i am my brother's less talented sister

My brother has always had the talent of the two of us.  He can sing.  He can play guitar (self-taught of course).  He can tell a story.  He can write a story.  And he can draw.  He draws as well as I sleep.  I had forgotten how well he can draw until we recently started playing the new game Draw Something.  It's Pictionary for the phone.  And it's amazing.

My (lack of) drawing skills have been showcased many times here on this crappy blog.  But I'd like to present the following which will really drive home the talent I don't have once you see what my brother can do when he puts finger to phone screen.

 First up, my sad sack of drawings:

I thought maybe there was too much going on what with the tree and the squirrel in the tree and the second squirrel on the ground... so I decided to get rid of the periphery and really take the time to focus on what's important:

The only country I have any confidence drawing is the United States. I think we can all agree that I nailed it.

a skeleton AND a stick figure in the same drawing?  check!

I think where I really shine is with stick figures.  They are basic.  They are easy.  They tell a story.

 And then there's my brother.  He comes along and turns his phone screen into a canvas!

EPIC!

Even his murder scenes are more poetic than mine

 

Love it!

Brilliant.

 I saved the best, my favorite, for last:

 That's my brother.  Awesome.  Always has been.  Always will be.

I LOVE GLITTER!

It's true.  I do.  It all started when I wanted to wear some gold glittered shoes for the Lady Gaga concert.  I found some lovely platform heels in a lovely shade of glittered gold.  Unfortunately, those shoes were $150 dollars.  Bastards.  I decided I could probably make some for at least $130 less than that.  So, my search began for some cheap ass high heels.  My non-prayers were answered when I walked into the Spirit Halloween store the day after Halloween.  I found some platform in a hideous patent faux leather white.  At $15 it was like at first site.  I snatched them up and shortly thereafter purchased some gold spray paint and gold glitter.  This is what happened next:

 

After three or four glitter applications, they were ready to take out in public.

Note Natalie's amazing home-made feather shoes to the right

After that I had a pretty intense obsession with spray-painting things gold.  I attacked a lamp, candle holders, a cardboard deer head, some trays, my fingernails, a box, the garbage can (somebody had stolen our last one so I painted our address on it), and a picture frame.  Then I ran out of spray-paint, and my rampage ended.

I made this two-toned glitter headband with some rubbery pieces of glitter paper. 

Hand's off; they're both taken.  Only one by me.

I eventually found a project that called for me to replenish my gold spray-paint: a Gold/Glitter Disco Ball! (I didn't think of it on my own.  I'm not that creative; I found it on Pinterest.) There are two reasons why it appears I went a little lite on the glitter: First, I ran out of glitter.  Second, I believed some packing tape would securely hold the orb to the ceiling.  I was wrong.  It fell, and our living room was glitter-bombed.  I actually didn't vacuum up the glitter after it happened.  Two reasons:  First, I've already told you I'm lazy.  Second, it was our NYE party and I felt it made things more festive.

I was pretty sad when I ran out of glitter, but I didn't run straight to the store to replenish because...I'm lazy.  Also, I kept telling myself that I was going to print those 40% off coupons, and then I never did, and then I never went because I didn't want to pay full price.

While I remained gold glitter-free for a month or so, I curbed my glitter needs with these:

We all lived happy together until I realized I couldn't paint an entire pair of shoes with one tiny bottle.  See...months before I had ruined a perfectly cute pair of nude booties by dropping my black liquid eyeliner on them.  Instead of trying to wipe it off with water, I immediately applied an oily make-up remover to the faux leather.  It didn't take too well, and there was no going back.  I am too cheap to just throw a pair of shoes away that I had only worn once... so I tried to upcycle them into a new color.  I chose blue...solely because that is the color of hair dye I had on hand.  I was dreaming of a deep rich royal blue.  Instead, this is what happened:

 I applied somewhere around three coats and it never got better than this.  :(  I decided to branch out from gold and try black on for a change.  After applying two coats of glue/glitter, I realized I probably ought to have spray-painted them black before I started the glitter application.  No worries, I just sprayed right over the glitter.  That's how lazy people roll.

Then I brushed on one more coat of glue and dumped a bunch of glitter on top.

Me thinks a definite improvement over what I had to start with. I'm pretty happy with how they turned out.  Now I just need to make some friends or get some sort of social life so I can take them off the shelf and out on the town.  Immediately after setting my eyes on these beauties I began looking around furiously to find other things to douse in black glitter goodness.  I searched high and low but couldn't find anything worthy.  Thankfully, BW came home and suggested I revisit the gold dear-head I had previously sprayed gold.  I had already painted the base brown...but wasn't feeling it.  It was a perfect specimen to bask in the glory of all that black glitter has to offer.  

 After I saw how fantastic non-gold glitter could be I hot-footed it right back to the craft store to broaden my glitter awareness.  I came back with this:

Gold, fine gold, black, more black, and brown.  Oh and red glitter-glue.  It wasn't my first choice, but all the red glitter was out...I wish I had never purchased it.  And I'll tell you why.  I want to be able to apply as much glitter as my heart desires to any given surface.  With glitter glue you apply a coat.  Wait for it to dry.  Apply another coat.  Wait for it to dry.  Become incredibly dissatisfied with the amount of glitter on surface.  Cry.  

My plan was to take this print I had purchased for myself on my birthday and turn it up a notch.

I really wanted to just throw glitter all over it.  But I told myself, "show some restraint, woman," and I decided to do something a little more subtle. Enter that shitty glitter glue.  After two coats I was left with this:

Don't tell a difference?  Let me zoom in.  

I hate you red-glitter glue.  You are stupid and barely affect anything you touch.  

I decided it was time to put the painting aside and move on to something else.  Specifically, it was time to get back to where it all started: gold glitter.  I found a couple of things I found that would be bettered with a coat or ten of glitter: some wooden hearts and a pair of red shoes.  

yes those are framed paper dolls. deal with it.

Isn't life better with glitter?  Yes.  It is.  

Then I decided to show some glitter glove to Dwight Schrute. 
 

He's been a constant desk companion for many years and was ready for a makeover.  A glitter makeover. 

He's feeling more confident already. 

After my successes I headed back to the craft store today in search of red (non-glue) glitter.  I found it.  And then some; I found a 30-pack of every color I never knew I needed, but realized I couldn't live without. 

Luckily, two of them were red.  I picked it up and never looked back.  I also found something for Pootie. 

 I keep seeing all these nurseries with the baby's name above the crib.  I guess so it won't ever forget who it is.  idk.  Point is...Pootie never had her own nursery or crib, but she has her own bed... so I figured her bed area could use some personalizing so she wouldn't ever be confused about who she is or where she is supposed to sleep.  She seems pretty happy with it. 

And they came pre-glittered.

It was clearly meant to be.

I have a lot of plans for my new glitter collection.  It mostly starts and stops with using it on my fingernails...but I'm sure I'll think of other things.  Or more likely: I'll find something that somebody else did with glitter on Pinterest and then copy it.

Time to hot orange glitter my nails!

breaking up is hard to do

 Cheddar,
What I'm about to put down in words really pains me, but it must be said.  We've had a really great run.  We've known each other for so long, and when we first met all those years ago it was love at first taste.  I thought we would be together forever.  I could never have imagined my life without you or with anything else.  I denied others who just couldn't match your superiority.  But these last few months have felt so foreign, like we are going through the motions without the emotion.  I feel like we've grown apart too much to ever get back to where we were.

Cheddar, I met something new.  I didn't plan it.  It just happened.  It wasn't you; it was me.  I just needed something different in my life.  I started using Mozzarella for pizza, then crackers, then pasta, then i started craving it all by itself.  And this whole time I didn't even realize we were falling in love.  Neither of us knew what was happening, but we couldn't deny the obvious connection or the feelings we were both experiencing.

I will always love you, Cheddar.  You have been there for me through good times and bad.  You've been tasty and reliable.   I hope that we can remain friends, and I really mean that.

Sincerely,
Me

why i usually avoid the beach

On Friday we picked up some In-N-Out and took it to Sunset Cliffs. It was lovely and relaxing.



Today, we headed to the beach because it was a heat wave: 85 degress. The backs of my knees were sweating, alright; it was hot.

This is the chaos that was the beach. This picture doesn't even do the insanity justice. Just try to count the umbrellas. Try it. You can't. Because there are too many. And it was like this in both directions. Usually once you get away from the main beach entrance the crowds thin out. This was not the case.



We found a place just above the crowds on a stretch of mostly uninhabited beach. It was lovely. Except for those raucous teenagers all around us. I am convinced I was never so annoying. Man...I'm old. Don't worry. I didn't try to start anything with them. I kept to myself and instead concentrated on reapplying the sunscreen so the blistering sun wouldn't blister my body.

vegas: it truly is fabulous

Vegas was amazing. For somebody without a desire to gamble, I sure do have a fantastic time each and every time I go. I've been there four times now, all with Natalie. I hope she is cool with accompanying me each and every time I go for the rest of my life, because at this point, it would be strange to go without her.

We drank, lounged by the pool, went to the desert, slept, got pedicures, watched some lame comedy, watched some funny comedy, saw phantom, ate in-n-out multiple times, ate a lot of good steak, made fun of a lot of people, walked the strip with a boombox on several occasions, snacked on delicious queso, went to a mexican restaurant that did not serve queso or alcohol, took lots of pictures, broke a luggage rack, broke a camera, temporarily broke the boombox, got a sweet hotel suite hook-up courtesy of Natalie's dad, and didn't take as many showers as we should have. I'm sure I'm leaving a lot out, but that rounds out the majority of our trip.

Don't remember his name, but I think I look good, so I'm keeping it.

Is there any other possible thing this could mean? I think not.

I truly think the solution to peace in the Middle East is boomboxes for everyone.

After the funny comedy show

I have no clue why I thought a wooden luggage rack would support me.

Have I already mentioned how amazing Vegas was?

Now, three things that perplex me about Vegas, in particular order:

One: small children in vegas

Las Vegas is not Disneyland. It's not Chuck-E-Cheese. It's not even a playground at McDonalds. Why do people bring their small children to Las Vegas? I honestly can not understand how a parent can walk their tiny child through a smoke-filled casino and down the streets that are brimming with drunk people and prostitute calling cards. There are 1,000s of kid-friendly places for kids. Las Vegas is not one of them. I don't want to hear babies or feel bad about cursing when I am in Vegas. Leave your kids home!

One of the cleaner sections of sidewalk

Two: ed hardy & the people wear the hideous works-of-crap

Why does Ed Hardy clothing exist? That blinding junk looks a bedazzler threw up on a tattoo. It makes me want to throw up just looking at it. For some reason, it seems like every time I'm in Vegas there is some sort of Ed Hardy convention going on, because more people wear Ed Harding in Vegas than in any other place I've ever been.

I didn't take a picture of any of these losers, so you know what that means:

Three: m & m store

The store is four stories. I didn't understand the m&m store before going in, and still don't understand it after going in. $120 for an m&m pin tie? $12/lb to create you own assortment of colored m&ms? 30 different m&m christmas ornaments? I like me some peanut m&ms, but I don't need to buy a sterling silver m&m to wear around my neck to prove it. I just go buy a bag at the store for $.50. I guess that's just me.

A LOT of m&ms in one place

In Las Vegas, there is...

dear natalie,

Please come back to San Diego. I miss you.

Sincerely,
Tessa


I am clearly not good at centering an image when I can't look through the viewfinder...but we both made it in this shot...only took about 5 attempts. The picture turned out a lot better in my head...

This bird flew dangerously close to our heads, prompting Natalie to shriek in terror, prompting me to shriek in terror. It then proceeded to mock us by standing there and staring at us. I hate that bird.

This night started out very promising, then took a dive off a cliff when some guys wouldn't leave us alone. I blame Natalie since guys stay fa fa away from me when I am on my own. We left the bar and had a lot more fun sitting on the sidewalk. Okay, maybe Natalie wasn't haven't as much fun as I was.

Some very not-nice people are trying to kick these adorable (albeit very smelly) animals off this teeny tiny beach. Stupid people.

About five minutes later she left her purse in the very chair she was sitting in and it was never seen again.

I look very tired (and chubby...I blame the the numerous boxes of gsc I have consumed over the last two months), but I was actually very happy. We were hiking right next to the ocean with amazing views in all directions...

See? Amazing view!

Sweet, sweet pacific ocean, how i love you so.

bw

the ocean rarely disappoints: great views and lovely sunsets